Here's the honest truth.. I am who I am. I don't do drugs, I don't drink alcohol, and I love my wife stacey rae clemente. I'm the type of guy who will give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. but I don’t like sea food. I am not afraid to say that because I always stand up for what I believe--my mom taught me that. she also taught me that shrimps and fish and all at that kinda crap should stay at the bottom of that big blue ocean where they belong. One time when my mom was dating my second ex-step dad nathaniel he took her out to red lobster for lobsterfest and I told him that he better damn respect my mom because she’s a good woman or I’m gonna kick his ass. well guess what she ordered the $8.95 crab and shrimp platter and my mom got food poisoning and I couldn’t even kick his ass because I had to take my mom to the hospital! A couple of days after that nathaniel proposed to my mom and my mom said yes but I caught him cheating on my mom with her ex-husband's best friend but my mom married him anyway..something about him having a job and not asking for no hand outs or something.
anyway that’s why I don’t like sea food so don’t even bother asking me why I don’t like seafood, I just told you all right. It’s my choice to not eat sea food if I don’t want to so please respect that. well see the thing is I used to not like sea food but the other day my wife stacey rae was reading some kind of goddamn magazine in the waiting room at the hospital and she told me we should try eating some fish some time to be more healthy..something about “auntie oxidants” or some crap, I don’t remember. well at first I thought son of a bitch just let me smoke my menthols and not eat sea food in peace! but then I remembered that I love my wife stacey rae and she respects me and I respect her. I always say I won’t change for nobody except for my wife. I don’t even look at those naked sites in front of her any more! crazy how love can change a man. so anyway I said sure honey let’s try some fish sometime and after she was discharged from the hospital I brought her to the walmart to pick out some fish with my food stamps.
well when we got to the walmart I didn’t even know where to look for fish, like I said I do not ever under any circumstances eat sea food!! eventually we found some fish in the freezer section but it was too goddamn expensive! I love my wife and all but do I look like I’m made of money, do I look like an ATM to you? no I do not! but anyway when we were in the canned goods section picking up some of those vienna sausages I noticed something that looked like fish to me--beach cliff sardines in water. I guess there were some other flavors too but the can had blue on it and blue is my favorite color. my wife stacey rae wasn’t sure if sardines are fish or not but I told her I was pretty sure that they were. well guess what when we got home I asked my friends on facebook if it was fish and everyone said that they were!
by that point my wife was pretty hungry and she said she wanted to try the sardines right away so of course I said all right honey. I wasn’t sure if you’re supposed to dump them out of the can or eat them from the can or what so I just put the can on top of a plate and peeled the lid open. as soon as I opened it it started to smell kind of fishy but honestly it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. the fish were really small, I didn’t even think fish could be that small but like I said I never eat sea food what do I know. there was a bunch of them and they looked kind of shiny on the outside. are they already cooked in there? It didn’t look like it to me but I figured what the hell let’s try it, I’m a real man and what’s the worst that could happen.
I tried to grab one with a fork and a piece of it came off. It was light pink on the inside and I saw something weird poking out of it. my wife took a look at it and said it was probably one of them spines. she is so smart my wife. It didn’t seem like something you should eat but my wife said she did some research and it’s okay to eat them. I ate it and you know what it wasn’t that bad! I didn’t even notice the spine or nothing. It tasted kind of oily or fatty but not too fishy at all. My wife stacey rae took a bite too and she agreed with me but she said she wanted to try a recipe she heard about with them. I love my wife so whatever she wants she gets and I let her take the sardines into the kitchen to whip something up while I watched wrestlemania.
not too long after that she came back with a bowl of some kind of dip or something and some crackers and carrot and celery sticks to be healthy. not exactly the kind of thing I usually like to have while I watch my wrestling but after my mom passed away last year stacey has been worried about my health so okay whatever. I asked my wife what was in the dip and she said it had mayo and dill or something like that. I’m more of a miracle whip man myself but my wife prefers mayonnaise so sometimes you have to make a few sacrifices. I tried some with one of them crackers and you know what it was pretty good. I love my wife and I don’t need to get my kicks from drugs, liquor, or stealing money or nothing like that. All I need is my wife, my wrestling, my menthols, and maybe now my sardines.
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